Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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