If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize