If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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