we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
