Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize