Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
