I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
