Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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