dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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