Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My dick has a subreddit
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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