he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
