I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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