I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
