If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
