Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
