True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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