just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
