Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
