Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
