Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
porn star boner night. come get it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
