mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
