How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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