you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
