I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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