This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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