people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
