Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
