the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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