You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize