i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
