those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
it's great music for shaving your balls
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
