margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
