can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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