ya dads aren't the best wingmen
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize