Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
