Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
