we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
