i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
They took my balls.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
