I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
