WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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