I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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