Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
