i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
