Whod you bang
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
