My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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