ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
