I don't usually arrange sex via text message
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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