oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
