Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
