Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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