You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
