the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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