They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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