Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
