just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
