SEEEEXXX PLEASE
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
