The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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