I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
