i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize