Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Randomize
