what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
