you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
FUCK WHALES
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
