i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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