Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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