So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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