We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
